I sit here on a lovely Saturday afternoon to reflect on the week I’ve had. Its hot and sunny and lovely though its funny how at times I’ve complained about needing to use a fan all the time, the way I miss rain and snow and how the lovely hotness can make people ‘too laid back’...if that’s even possible. What I’m trying to say is that its all in perception.

There have been many shifts and different perceptions amongst my fellow teachers as well as the students here at the training. But I guess that reflects the ‘vacillating’ nature of the mind. They’re like the waves in the pond (or the ocean) that make it hard to see the bottom clearly.

I’ve been challenged to drop expectations this week, though not like the expectations I was challenged to drop last time I was here. And I should stop comparing like that, as that has been part of the creation of expectations for me on this trip. “oh, this isn’t like last time”....“when I was in Rishikesh”....“I miss McLeod Ganj….” and on and on.
Goa is lovely in a lot of ways and softer than some other places I’ve been. My accommodations are quite nice, though not perfect as nothing ever is. Still I feel a bit of longing, a yearning for the free spirit I felt myself to be “last time” (there it is again). I am reminding myself that I am a completely different person and since “last time” have had many experiences that have rocked my world and changed me and “this time” I am on the other side. I am more of the teacher than the student (though ALWAYS a student) and with that comes responsibility…as well as certain ‘different’ freedoms. This, I think, is what I’ve been looking for. To be able to stand on my own two feet and feel like I know that I don’t know and that I’m solid with that.

I myself am feeling a bit lonely. Which is good as one of my intentions for this trip was to ‘stand on my own’ a bit more (if that’s even totally possible). I find Goa attracts a different kind of traveller: the tourist. Which I don’t really see myself as. Lying on the beach is good for me for about one day and after that…lets do something! And even though I’m around people all day, still I’m missing a sense of kindred companionship. Though I know its all around me. The other day, one of the students told me that, as an air sign, in Native American astrology my clan is ‘the butterfly people’. And wouldn’t you know that butterflies have been all around me…one even landed right on my porridge two nights ago.

Then I have a cup of chai, some papaya and a good conversation with the very kind waiters at our favourite restaurant, Osaiba (with a great ocean view deck I might add) and all becomes settled. All is well again.

Ride the wave.
I think I need to learn to surf.
Maybe I already can.

Love and light!
Tiffany