It is quite common for me to receive phone calls or emails after an Immersion or a Level 1 Teacher Training of people doubting their ability and skill or if they are up to the challenge of continuing with their training and moving on to teach. Similarly, I had a friend call me recently, in the beginning stages of an intimate relationship, the time when it is incredibly new and fun. The feelings were moving fast, and the fear of whether or not she was up to the challenge was becoming overwhelming. It is an interesting paradox, so many times we want, desire, pray for something big to come, to point us in a new, fun and exciting direction. We ask for teachings, new learning, new skills, new inspiration and I can speak from my own experience, that those times come and this fear inevitably moves in. Whether it be laced with self-doubt, lack of faith, different expectations than what is appearing, or who knows,  the phenomena is enough to address.

There was a time when i genuinely thought I wanted to quit teaching, I didn’t like it, it took a life of it’s own, and was different than I had “expected” it to be as a profession. There have been intimate relationships that have moved fast and I feared the sides of me that were showing up. I have had numerous occasions in the backcountry skiing when I have been so scared I wanted a helicopter to come lift me out and to never ski again - but from these, and many other experiences, I also know the times when I feel such overwhelming fear and a desire to “run” has continually been that point when I am on the brink of something huge. For me it means that I am about to do something, overcome something and move forward in a subtle or big shift towards my full potential, or my fuller potential. I never let myself back down, I let others back down, but I never back down. I truly feel that that has made a firm statement to my heart and spirit, a thousand times, that I am up for the challenge presented, regardless of how I feel I’ll fair. Most times, the idea that I might be scared of my full potential, who I am, what love is and what it can do to me both good and bad, actually creates a stronger commitment to face the challenge.

Letting go into a void, a place of pure clouded mystery, where we don’t know if we will come out on top, “successful”, or even alive, to me is one of the primary points of life. As a general rule for safety, I try to put a reign on my emotions, which are runaway horses at the best of times, but attempt to keep all reigns away from my heart. Unbridled willingness. An old partner once told me, if you’re not falling, you’re not learning. I draw upon that wisdom on a daily basis. Wherever this blog finds you at your journey - trust deeply, not only in what is presented in your life, but in your ability to be bigger, grander, and more luminescent than you could ever dream.